As we've moved into the 21st century, lots of things have changed. The price of gas has gone up incredulously, tattoos are beautiful signs of self expression, and more and more single people have kids. So in the dating world, what does that mean for us?
If you meet someone dynamic -- someone too good to be true -- and he drops a "bomb" on you by saying, "oh, by the way, i have a son", or something like that -- what do you do? How do you weigh whether to continue the relationship or not?
I've had many friends date guys with kids -- and often times, it does require a lot of extra patience and understanding, and in the end, a lot of times, it was too much to bear.
As you get older, though, in your upper 20s and 30s, it's a lot harder to find a potential mate that still resembles society's "ideal" candidate for marriage, specifically:
1) no previous kids
2) never been engaged (because, who wants someone that's already felt they found "the one" before?!)
3) never been married (see #2 for reason. Stipulation: If a guy is 40 and never been engaged or married, that's a whole 'nother issue)
For me, I'll be honest. If a guy was to step to me and say he had a kid or kids, I'd have to say there would be a slim chance of anything happening. I wouldn't completely rule him out before I saw how he interacted with the kid and whether there was baby mama drama, but I want to be the first person with my mate to have our child. DISCLAIMER: If a man was married and his wife died or they divorced, that'd be ok. Also, if a guy had to adopt his niece/sister/cousin because of unfortunate circumstances, that'd be okay too.
But my bottom line remains: GUYS HAVING KIDS DUE TO IRRESPONSIBILITY AIN'T CUTE!
Tell me if i'm wrong, but "responsibility" only costs $2.99 a pack, so what's the EXCUSE?!
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17 comments:
Lori, I agree with your point of view..to an extent. Years a ago, I felt the same way, until I ended up falling for a guy with a child. We had hung out-as friends-nothing serious for about a month and when he realized his feelings were deeper, he dropped the bomb on me. He had a 3 yr old daughter.
At that point, I wasn't ready for a relationship, so it didn't bother me, but there was this whole new side to him that I discovered. He was very protective of his child and he was an all around good father. I didn't have to worry about baby mama drama, b/c he didn't play games with his baby mama so she never disrespected me or even looked at me sideways, and it helped that their relationship had been over for years, so everyone had pretty much moved on by that point.
I never thought I'd give a guy with a kid a chance, but given the circumstances of my situation, I ended up falling for him-in spite of. Every person is different.
One thing I have learned in life, is never say never, because at the end of the day, you don't really know how the cards will fall.
Interesting Lori. I honestly think a person should know what they are ready and not ready for. This person should also understand that a mate will not be found without some type of flexibility. Am I right to say that society has a lot of "ideals"? Aside from the three you listed he should probably be taller than you as well correct? Maybe the same level of education? The list goes on and my 30 years on this Earth have shown me a lot of 36 and up year old single black woman because of this endless list of ideals. I love my son to death and honestly work hard towards being his example as a man. I was never really a bad guy but having him has changed me. It has made me strive for perfection of character and love. I honestly feel like the man that I am now would make any good woman extremely happy. If I were to meet a woman like yourself Lori I would only hope hearing that I have a son would not kill honest connections.
I also say all of this as a man that has lived now with my son and as a bachelor with no kids. I dated a woman with an 11 year old and felt blessed to be a part of his formation. It did throw me for a little while but when I realized that I had an oppertunity to REALLY help the future I took on the position God placed me in.
That's my two cents :)
Oh and doesn't the disclaimer conflict with the three rules?
If a man is divorced that would mean he conflicts with number three which refers to number two.
Seems to be a conflict good enough to make meeting any good man after thirty pretty difficult. I'm just sayin.........
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