Relationships: Break Up or Make Up? How do you know when to call it quits or when to hang in there?

Last night, I went to a local favorite bar with several co-workers, and inevitably, the conversation turned into relationship updates. Who's still together? Who's broken up? Who's in limbo? I was shocked to find out several long-term relationships had ended, whether due to distance or lack of progress in the relationship itself. But the one common thread through it all is that nothing is forever, and perhaps their breakup isn't either. But for right now, breaking up was what they had to do.

This makes me question - how do you know when it's time to call it quits and when you should hang in there? I read an interesting book recently called "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum and though I'm not sure it's the best book to help determine whether to stay or go, it does ask interesting questions and makes you think about the quality of the relationship rather than worry about 1 sticking point.

Breakups are hard. I just ran into a friend of a friend this morning in the hair salon, and she said she moved back to Atlanta. Of course, I asked why. Her response: "I got divorced and found myself alone, so why stay in Cali? May as well come back to Atlanta." When I think of all of the hard breakups I've heard about, divorce is one of the hardest. There is no right answer...no verifiable solution that makes you feel you've done the absolutely right thing (unless the person was abusive). So, how do we know when to stay and when to go?

Here are some tips on how to know when to stay and when to go:

#1. Your relationship is like a cul-de-sac -- you've gotten to a nice part of the neighborhood but you keep going in circles, without going forward or backward. You're just stuck in a nice part but you're ready to venture forward. When this happens, think about how you got to this place and why you're still in the relationship. For comfort? Security? Quality of Life? What's the trade-off and is it worth it? Everyone makes trade-offs, but it's up to you to determine which sacrifices are worth staying in the relationship.

#2. He/she doesn't support you when you need it most. Can you remember a time where you really needed them and their response was the opposite of what you needed? If this happens over and over, then perhaps they're never going to have the response you need. And if that's the case, can you continue the relationship knowing that you will likely never get the support you need? Case in point - if you got a really great job doing something you love far away, your partner should be happy for you and discuss how you two can work it out, and LIKEWISE, you should try to figure out a solution to keep the relationship alive. If you both put the relationship first, then your priorities are in sync and as long as you work to keep the relationship good, your relationship outlook is good. If, on the other hand, the person complains about how you'll be gone and they won't have anyone with them, kick his/her ass to the curb and find someone who wants to help you reach your dreams!

#3. If you've been together for a long time, and neither of you is sure he/she is THE ONE, then maybe they AREN'T the one...or you just need more time looking. It's okay to scour cities in search of a better deal than you already have. If you're not engaged, then the door should be open. Life is too short to limit yourself to one person when you don't know if that person is THE ONE for you. Or maybe there isn't just ONE for you - but you need to find that out too. Put it this way - don't tie yourself up too early and too soon just because you like security and having someone to come home to. You can have that AND still meet new people. Keep your eyes and your heart open for the possibilities of finding a great one, and you'll get there. Trust me.

That's it for now. If you have some good relationship tips/advice, send them on. We're all trying to find our way in love, life, and relationships and we could use all the help you have to give!

Obama's Daughters Speak Up!

Everyone's been buzzing today about Senator Obama's family interview, and the fact this is girls were so adorable. Some even loved how the older daughter rocked her cornrows on a national interview - kudos to the Obamas for that!



What I loved about it, though, is how NORMAL they all seem - not too "posh" or overdone, and you can tell they probably prepped their kids a little, but they let them be KIDS...and not media mavens. However, Obama wasn't prepared for how much attention his daughters got, and in fact, he now regrets exposing them so much in the media. Now the panelists are debating over whether he SHOULD keep his kids off limits -- but who are they to decide?!?! Or even to debate it? His kids, his (and Michelle's) choice.

And I can't blame him -- the media has treated him and his family abusively and inappropriately so often (check out Michelle Obama being called his "BABY MAMA"), I wouldn't want them to run away with these kids' innocence and expose them to the negativity in the world through such easy means as a political race.

Kudos to Obama for being such a good dad and to Michelle for being his partner in it all - if they can run the country as well as they run their family, we'll be in better shape on Day 1 of his presidency, that's for sure (unlike Bush whose daughters were running around naked and drunk everywhere)!